Condoms, Rose!

Now it is time for another installment of Sex History. Not to be confused with Sexy History.

Today, class, we are going to be discussing CONDOMS! Condoms are the leading weapon against those pesky STDs and accidental brats. You can think of them as the safety on a loaded gun. Hahaha! If you don't wear a condom, you might kill someone. Guns are dangerous. The Spice Girls & I urge you to be safe (See lyrics to 2 Become 1)!
 
That was the lecture, here is the lesson. 

According the very entertaining television program How It's Made, the Romans practiced safe sex 2000 years ago by putting dried animal intestines on their junk. Disgusting, but effective. Later, the Egyptians created linen sheaths to wear on their members when it was Business Time. I wonder if they decorated them...with cats. You know, Egyptians and their cats. I'm sure the ladies would have been all over that.

Linen sheaths were clearly favored over animal intestines (again, gross, I'm sorry), for they were used until the 1500s. Also during this time, Europe first started talking about condoms in public.  Condoms were sometimes dipped in chemicals beforehand (hello, spermicide!) The sheaths protected men and women from that dreaded syphilis that was running ramped (remember all those prostitutes who had it & wore merkins to hide it from their victims clients?)

It was in 1706 that the word 'condum' was first published.

Jumping to the 20th century, Germany was the first country to encourage condoms and their use in the military, while America and Britain were the last. In fact, by the end of WWI, the American military had diagnosed about 400,000 cases of syphilis and gonorrhea, a historic high. By WWII, however, condoms were heavily promoted and distributed to the military. Even in the face of rubber shortages, the U.S. didn't ration condom supplies. Which comes as a pleasant surprise to me, for some reason. I mean, they rationed everything else!

Nowadays, people make art with condoms and invent different euphemisms for the things... some are pretty effing hilarious and clever..like baby strainer and cumbrella.  Most of them are just strange...I don't know why the people who sit around, thinking these up, feel the need to make them rhyme. I mean, Cameltoe Noflow? Really? Quif Theif did make me GTM (giggle to myself) (UGH aside: why is everything already something? I thought that I was being clever & inventing GTM but its already a thing on Urban Dictionary...)

Yup, that's all I feel like saying about that. Do you have a favorite euphemism for condoms? Is that Hitler Sperm not the funniest thing you've ever seen in your entire life? Drop me a line.