Disneyland When No One Is Looking

One thing I love about Disneyland is how magically clean it is. Every time I visit the park, it looks like it has just opened. And I got a special invitation for a sneak peak visit. "Welcome, Princess Katie!" an animatronic blue bird chirps as I step through the turnstile at the ticket booth. Once through the portal, a park employee named Eduardo places a diamond encrusted tiara on my head. As he does that, he whispers "welcome home" into my ear, which sends tingles of excitement down my back. Eduardo snaps my picture and then hands me a map. A marching band plays "Push It" by Salt-n-Pepper in the background.

This is an incredible feat for a place that receives 40,000 visitors daily. Clearly, I do way more damage to my one bedroom apartment all by myself! I don't think you understand how impressed I am!

Apparently, during Disneyland's early days, a journalist told Walt that sure, his park is beautiful today but one day it would be dirty and worn as people powered through it. Makes sense, people are disgusting! But Walt put his foot down and declared, "We're going to make it so clean that people are going to be embarrassed to throw things on the ground!" And, boy, ain't that the truth! I always feel like the biggest asshole when I litter in Disneyland, but I'll let things slide from time to time out in the real world.

(At the same time, I feel like Disneyland is getting that one-too-many-coats-of-paint-look. You know the look. Like an aging whore with too much makeup on. It's just kind of sad. But you force a smile and get your money's worth.)

Despite Disneyland's (suspiciously magical) perfection, what I'm about to divulge may make DL seem *dirtier*-- and, not in a sexy way (unless you're into that!)

Okay. Did you know that at night employees let feral cats roam around the park? This has been a thing ever since the park's opening when there was a rodent infestation. Generations and generations of Thomas O'Malleys working hard to help curb the mouse population. During the day, the cats are contained in five different feeding stations. I don't know how ethical this is...seeing as a mouse is Disney's effing icon. It's definitely sacrilegious! .

Wait a minute, if they are being fed and cared for, I don't think they can technically be called 'feral.' Come on, Mental Floss Magazine, my trusted source for facts! Just call them cats!

But isn't it kind of gross? I love cats but not when I imagine hundreds of them running around pooping and throwing up on things. Not to mention leaving clumps of fur everywhere. Gross.

The other "ick!" factor that makes Disneyland less pristine is that people strategically scatter ashes of their loved ones throughout the park. There was one case of a family who asked employees at the park if they could spend some extra time on the Haunted Mansion ride because they were holding a memorial there. (I have the same request written in my will.) Permission granted until they were seen throwing ashes out of their doom buggies. Amateurs!

Shit like this happens throughout the whole park! I'm not totally surprised because people are gross, like I mentioned earlier. I'm also not surprised because Disneyland is an integral part of the circle of life-- people are definitely conceived there (Haunted Mansion, weirdly enough), people are probably born there (strategic timing), people get married there, people definitely die there, and now people get scattered there. It's so beautiful! I wonder how one sneaks ashes into the park. I mean, you obviously can't get an urn past those security check points.

It could be kind of poetic... Imagine your ashes getting kicked up in the festivities of a mid-noon parade, perhaps as a large costumed character dances down Main Street. Music is blasting, the mood is celebratory, children are laughing, and a dash of you is mixed up in the magic.

---fin---