Friday, June 24, 2011

Porn Names, Of Course


With the porn industry as expansive as it is today, it must be extremely difficult to come up with an awesome porn name that is both original and enticing. Finding a good porn name is really the only thing that is holding most people back from launching their porn careers, right?

Luckily, the internet is full of porn name generators! I'm pretty sure that's how most porn stars come up with their names. Normal stuff.

I typed my name in a bunch of generators and these are the results:

Kara Pantsmaster, Esq.

I kind of like this one. It's pretty classy, with the esquire bit. And it's gender neutral in case I have to do it all/ do them all ... to pay the bills! I mean, it would be relatively difficult to make it big in lesbian porn with a name like Lady Rod Stroker III. Pantsmaster is perfect because everyone wears pants!

Cookie Ambrosia

Honestly, this sounds like a dessert my grandmother would make. In other words, gross!

I also got 'Wendy Wantone' and 'Lydia Bends.' Average stuff, internet, not impressed!

According to Kristen Schaal (famed sexpert), the classic formula for discovering your porn name is your childhood pet + the street you grew up on...

Truly, mine would be Bear Camber. But that's a total man's name! So, for my own sake, I'm going to use my second pet & home... and we end up with Emily Astoria. Pretty classy, if you ask me. The madam of a whorehouse, perhaps?

But for people stuck with crap names like Bear Camber, Schaal came up with a new and improved formula. Your favorite alcoholic beverage + your biggest insecurity...

Examples: Conan OBrien = Appletini Badsex, Andy Richter = Tequila Shirtless, Kristen Schaal = Chardonnay Mathematics

I suppose mine would be Malibu Legs! What about yours?

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