The Old Battle of Venus and Mars

We've all seen When Harry Met Sally a hundred times. I'm pretty sure you're lying if you say otherwise. If you're like me, you had a mother who hated Meg Ryan so you didn't watch that film until you went off to college, where you watched it like all the time just to catch up. This movie is crucial to everyone's lives because it discusses the only thing anyone cares about: whether or not men and women can be friends.

Just to briefly recap, this movie argues that men and women can never be friends for the simple fact that sexual attraction gets in the way. What does that even mean? I have an intelligent sounding question that normal people probably also have. Can you not be friends with someone you find attractive? According to the dictionary, a friend is simply "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."  So, with the entire English language on my side, I reason that, sureeee, you cannot have sex with a friend (..."typically"), but un-acted-on sexual feelings don't simply make the friendship null and void. Take that, Harry & Sally!

Admittedly, I have probably had small crushes (or considered having small crushes) on most of my male friends at one point or another. Isn't that normal? I mean, I only associate with awesome, funny people and I think it's only natural for one to wonder. Additionally, most people want a best friend in a spouse/life partner. Does it really matter if you go from boyfriend to husband-best friend-extraordinaire OR from bestie to wifey (OR from Justin to Kelly, hahah jk)? In the end....  you get the same thing. 

In thinking about this dilemma, I turned to a Psychology Today article that shed light on the fact that this whole notion stems from very traditional logic. I'm going to straight up quote this article because I'm lazy and I like how it was written.

"'The belief that men and women can't be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance,' explained Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, New York. 'Now they work together and share sports interests and socialize together.' This cultural shift has encouraged psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message: Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends. What's more, there are good reasons for them to do so." (Click to read the whole article.)

The article outlines the challenges men and women face entering into a mutual friendship. One such challenge is to define and distinguish your feelings for your friend, which can be extremely difficult. You love spending time with a person and get along great, but you don't necessarily want to date or marry them.... what does it all mean? What do you do? Another challenge the article acknowledges is the Harry & Sally sexual attraction problem. Truthfully, the article points out, sexual attraction is always lurking in the background and could surface at anytime. Interestingly enough, when polled about what men and women liked and disliked about their co-ed friendships, women said to dislike sexual tension while men confessed it was a key factor in starting a friendship. Some men even believe that sexual tension might deepen a friendship. Oh, men, youuu wouldddddd. 

So, can two beings from seemingly opposite planets be true friends? The answer is yes! but it ain't easy (and luckily, there are benefits!) Men have a chance to share feelings and personal reflections, a component often missing from male-male friendships. And women can take a break from their girlfriends' emotional dramas to joke and banter with men. Being friends with the opposite sex can help you be a more balanced person. Additionally, each can gain insight into the opposite sex through that window of friendship! Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

The article closes with research that indicates that we are generally hopeful about co-ed friendships. But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, this shit is complicated. Being friends with the opposite sex is complicated. Questions may arise such as: Should you be more than friends? How do you transform a friendship into a relationship? Can the friendship bounce back from awkward sexual tension? This whole "men are from mars, women are from venus" things comes from Greek Mythology and just one look at Mars and Venus' relationship will explain everything. 

And as hard as I try and resist, I just can't help but root for the relationship to finally bloom for Harry and Sally....  God, I love that New Years Eve scene so much.